Synopses & Reviews
Somehow, a set of deeply conservative assumptions about children--what they're like and how they should be raised--have congealed into the conventional wisdom in our society. Parents are accused of being both permissive and overprotective, unwilling to set limits and afraid to let their kids fail. Young people, meanwhile, are routinely described as entitled and narcissistic...among other unflattering adjectives.
In The Myth of the Spoiled Child, Alfie Kohn systematically debunks these beliefs--not only challenging erroneous factual claims but also exposing the troubling ideology that underlies them. Complaints about pushover parents and coddled kids are hardly new, he shows, and there is no evidence that either phenomenon is especially widespread today--let alone more common than in previous generations. Moreover, new research reveals that helicopter parenting is quite rare and, surprisingly, may do more good than harm when it does occur. The major threat to healthy child development, John argues, is posed by parenting that is too controlling rather than too indulgent.
With the same lively, contrarian style that marked his influential books about rewards, competition, and education, Kohn relies on a vast collection of social science data, as well as on logic and humor, to challenge assertions that appear with numbing regularity in the popular press. These include claims that young people suffer from inflated self-esteem; that they receive trophies, praise, and As too easily; and that they would benefit from more self-discipline and "grit." These conservative beliefs are often accepted without question, even by people who are politically liberal. Kohn's invitation to reexamine our assumptions is particularly timely, then; his book has the potential to change our culture's conversation about kids and the people who raise them.
Review
Kirkus Reviews, 4/1/14Kohn attacks the status quo on child-rearing and parenting
Via research and interviews, Kohn closely examines the current media-backed perceptions of permissive and controlling parenting and contrasts them with actual data, deflating popular beliefs that children are now more spoiled and unruly than ever
A thought-provoking, semicontroversial scrutiny of modern parenting practices.”
Spirituality and Practice, 7/31/14
Kohn succeeds in convincing us to rethink the conventional wisdom about the spoiled child.”
San Francisco Book Review, 8/20/14
Kohn explains why the belief that modern parents are too permissive (or too overprotective) and that kids are entitled, narcissistic monsters is wrong. He has the research to back it up and creates a convincing argument.”
Education Digest, September 2014
[Kohns] book is an invitation to change our cultures conversation about kids and the people who raise them.”
Metapsychology, 9/23/14
All parents and children reading this attention riveting book will very likely be held in thrall by its intellectually absorbing contents
[which] will also very likely be enthralling, professionally, to educators, social scientists, and to mental health professionals.”
Review
"A wise and passionate book--by one of the best friends our children have today--that is also a delight to read."--Jonathan Kozol, author of
Fire in the Ashes"Splendid....Kohn's analysis is incisive, witty, and fun to read. In a manner that reminds me of Voltaire, Kohn brings clear and profound social criticism to a topic of great contemporary importance."--William Crain, author of Reclaiming Childhood
"An insightful, well-informed, thorough analysis of the many false and hostile claims made about parents and children today. Kohn patiently dismantles myths about 'helicopter parenting,' every kid getting a trophy in every endeavor, and parents allegedly inflating their kids' self-esteem, and shows the myths to be not just without merit but destructive. Then he goes beyond the critique to provide a positive vision of parenting for our time, 'working with' kids rather than 'doing to' them. It's a vision that should be heeded."--Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, coauthor of When Will My Grown-Up Kid Grow Up?
Kirkus Reviews, 4/1/14
Kohn attacks the status quo on child-rearing and parenting
Via research and interviews, Kohn closely examines the current media-backed perceptions of permissive and controlling parenting and contrasts them with actual data, deflating popular beliefs that children are now more spoiled and unruly than ever
A thought-provoking, semicontroversial scrutiny of modern parenting practices.”
Calgary Herald, 3/3/14
[Kohn] tackles many modern parenting assumptions head-on in his latest book.”
Boston Globe, 3/30/14
With his trademark blend of skepticism and idealism, [Kohn] dismantles most of the hype surrounding motivation and competition, failure and success.”
TabletMag.com, 4/3/2014
The best parts of Kohns book are in the breathing spaces between the bouts of contrarinessthe acknowledgment that its vital to pay attention to your kids desires and interests, that depending on grit as the answer to all social ills is wrongheaded
that we should encourage kids to develop thoughtful skepticism, a reflective rebelliousness, a selective defiance based on principle rather than simple rules-following.”
The Metro, 4/15/14
The heart of Kohns philosophy all comes down to unconditional love. Whether you agree or disagree with his parenting methods, thats something everyone can get behind.”
Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 4/30/14
Kohn picks apart the script that todays kids are coddled and lazycomplaints every generation makes about the succeeding one.”
Huffington Post, 5/7/14
[An] important new book
[Kohn] debunks many decades of nonsense about undisciplined, entitled, lazy, selfish, needy children who are the products of permissive parenting and schooling, rooted in the misguided progressivism of the 60s and 70s. His research is comprehensive, his logic compelling, and his prose accessible and witty
The importance of Kohns treatise cannot be overestimated.”
IntentionalMama.com, 5/6/14
If youre well-versed in current parenting and education discourse, you know that Alfie Kohn is Americas gadfly on these topics, consistently challenging the popular views with solid evidence to the contrary
The Myth of the Spoiled Child is a point-by-point response to the common but baseless social criticism of modern American parents and their children
[Kohn is] highly convincing as he meticulously discredits prevalent assumptions about falling school standards, pervasive narcissism, and the overly touted benefits of self-discipline and failure.”
Hudson Valley News, 5/14/14
This book will calm your fears and help you to feel good about your own methodology of parenting.”
Portland Book Review, 5/21/14
Kohn dispels the notion that were raising our kids wrong
[A] well-researched book
This is not a how-to parenting book, but will certainly provide insight into raising good world citizens.”
Bookviews, June 2014
One hears so much about todays kids being spoiled that it was enlightening and pleasurable to read a book that says its just not true
For the parent who needs a bit of advice, this book will prove helpful.”
New York Times Book Review, 6/15/14
Filled with surprising insights and counterintuitive data
An energetic
argument against all the columnists, politicians and pundits who insist children today are spoiled.”
San Francisco Book Review, 8/20/14
Kohn explains why the belief that modern parents are too permissive (or too overprotective) and that kids are entitled, narcissistic monsters is wrong. He has the research to back it up and creates a convincing argument.”
PsycCritiques, 2/23/15
Engaging
A worthwhile read for parents, educators, and psychologists who are looking for more insight about many of the phrases that dominate pop-culture parenting psychology.”
Synopsis
Parenting and education expert Alfie Kohn tackles the misconception that overparenting and overindulgence has produced a modern generation of entitled children incapable of making their way in the world.
Synopsis
Somehow, deeply conservative assumptions about how children behave and how parents raise them have become the conventional wisdom in our society. Its widely assumed that parents are both permissive and overprotective, unable to set limits and afraid to let their kids fail. Were told that young people receive trophies, praise, and As too easily, and suffer from inflated self esteem and insufficient self-discipline. However, complaints about pushover parents and entitled kids are actually decades old and driven, it turns out, by ideology more than evidence.
With the same lively, contrarian style of Alfie Kohns bestselling books about rewards, competition, and traditional education, The Myth of the Spoiled Child systematically debunks the story that we hear with numbing regularity. Kohn uses humor, logic, and his familiarity with a vast range of social science data to challenge media-stoked fears of spoiling our children. He reveals that the major threat to healthy child development isnt parents who are too indulgent but those who are too controlling.
About the Author
Alfie Kohn writes and speaks widely on human behavior, education, and parenting. He is the author of twelve books and hundreds of articles. Kohn has been described by Time magazine as "perhaps the country's most outspoken critic of education's fixation on grades and test scores." He spends much of his time speaking at education conferences, as well as to parent groups, school faculties, and researchers. Kohn lives in the Boston area. www.alfiekohn.org